My Name Is Kitty Russell
by RBHDPSMMK4EVER
Summary: Kitty Russell talks about, in her own words, her life before and after meeting Matt Dillon.


These characters don t belong to me but I am doing my best to keep them alive. Thanks so much to lostcowgirl for all her excellent advice.

MY NAME IS KITTY RUSSELL

Being a saloon girl in Dodge City, Kansas in the 1870 s is not an easy job. However, for an unmarried woman, without a family, there are not a lot of choices. I am above average in height, have fiery red hair, blue eyes, skin that goes with a redhead, freckles, which I hate, a decent figure, and sometimes a temper to match my hair. My name is Kitty Russell.

I am originally from New Orleans. My mother died when I was about 10 and father left us when I was a baby. Mother s passing caused me to move in with my wealthy aristocratic maternal grandfather. He sent me to a boarding school. When I was 12, Grandfather died and my other relatives decided my father needed to take over my care.

This man, my father, Wayne Russell, whom I had never seen pawned me off on his friend, Panacea Sikes. Father was a gambler and had no time to even meet me. Pan, as I called her, tried to continue my lessons on becoming a young lady. However, Pan ran a gambling house and I learned from the dealers all the tricks about cards. When I was almost 15 the co-owner of the gambling house, Roy Wilkins, tried to seduce me and not in a gentle way. That was the first time I ran away.

I went with a man I was sure I was in love with and of course he loved me. His name was Cole Yankton, and we went to San Francisco. In the beginning Cole did very well at his gambling and we were happy. As time went by his luck changed and so did he. He decided that he could make money to gamble by my giving my favors to men of his choice. This was the second time I ran away.

Over the next years I worked in many saloons in the west. Abilene was my last stop before Dodge. It was a nightmare. The owner, of the Silver Dollar Saloon thought the girls were his personal property. He was dirty and oily and had to be touching you all the time. I was allowed, thankfully, to work downstairs dealing as well as above the stairs. I saved what I could and left in the middle of the night when the proprietor was so drunk he couldn t stand up, but thought it was time I stopped being so uppity and gave into his lust.

My plan was to get as far away from Kansas as possible. We made a stop in Dodge City on a gray and rainy day. It looked dingy and unappealing. We were stopping to get food, mail, passengers, and replace a lame horse. It was a chore getting to the caf through the mud and puddles. My skirt hem was wet and dirty. My money was getting low and my spirits were lower. I couldn t wait to be on my way.

That all changed in a minute when a big and I mean very very tall, broad chested, and handsome man walked through the door. I had been around a lot of men in my 19 years and had a really low opinion of most of them. Any man who could catch my attention and take away my breath like this one must be different. I couldn t stop looking at him. Every time he looked my way I pretended to look somewhere else. As I saw him eat an enormous breakfast I was fascinated.

They called for passengers to go back to the stage and I was in a quandary. Dodge sure didn t seem to have much to offer and as interesting as this man seemed my judgment had been wrong before. Then fate stepped in and led me in a direction I would never imagine and my life would be changed forever.

On my way back to the stage I twisted my ankle. Limping toward the depot a kindly middle aged man hurried to assist me. He had the gentlest eyes, a small moustache, wasn t very tall, introduced himself as the town doctor, and said everyone called him Doc. He took me inside the building as my foot was hurting and staring to swell up.

He asked, Where are you going miss?

I looked into his caring face and told him. I was thinking St. Louis.

Well you have got to stay off that foot for a couple days. He informed me.

I hesitated because there was no way I could tell a stranger, as nice as he was I had thought of staying in Dodge because of a man I saw in the caf . He suggested I go to the Dodge House or he could drive me to a place called Ma Smalley s as it would be easier to get into her house.

As we were talking a tall slender man with a stiff right leg came into the depot. Doc introduced him as Chester Goode, the assistant to the town marshal. Between them they got me to Doc s buggy and over to Ma Smalley s where I spent two days recuperating. Everyone was wonderful to me and did their best to make me feel welcome. I asked them about any jobs available and after finding out I could deal cards they referred me to Bill Pence, who owned the Long Branch saloon.

He hired me to work downstairs dealing cards and upstairs if I wanted to make more money. Chester couldn t wait for me to meet his boss, Marshal Matt Dillon. It seemed he had left town the day I got there but should be back any time now. I was interested to see this paragon of virtue his helper raved about and, I also hoped the big man I saw in the caf might come into the bar. With my luck he was married, with lots of kids, and rarely came to town.

The second night I worked the soldiers had gotten paid and the place was packed. The girls were up and down the stairs all night giving the boys a little pleasure. Lucky for me plenty of them wanted to lose their money playing poker. Chester hurried up to me during my break and said his boss was back and would be in very soon. I tried to seem enthusiastic as Doc and Chester had told me how the marshal had changed the town.

Here he comes now, Chester told me as the batwing doors opened. I am sure my mouth feel open when the handsome man from the caf walked in the room.

Calling him over this giant of a man bent over and took my hand. I felt the electricity run up my arm as I looked into the bluest eyes. He pulled back and I wondered if he felt something too. He said nice to meet you and then excused himself to talk to some town people but I heard him say to his associate, You are right she sure has red hair and she is very pretty.

I found out as the weeks passed the Marshal availed himself of several girls at the Long Branch as he had the need. Most often it was with a girl named Lucy. He did spend quite a bit of time with me when I was sitting with Doc and Chester. We were friendly but he never asked me to go upstairs. Truthfully it hurt my ego and the more I got to know him the more attracted I was to him.

That began to change when he started to join the three of us for a meal and then stopped in after his late rounds. We enjoyed talking and I found we had the same sense of humor. Lucy wasn t happy that he paid any attention to me even when I said we were just friends. When things escalated to near violence between Lucy and me the Marshal and Bill Pence took over, or so I heard later.

Lucy took off and married a much older man and Matt asked me to go to a barn dance with him. I was thrilled but was not sure how the proper ladies of the town would react as they did not hesitate to throw their daughters at him. He was considered quite the catch.

The night of the dance I wore pale pink satin knee length dress with a pink and white satin bow in the back. I wore my hair up so I looked more sophisticated, was careful with my make-up and jewelry. I wanted him to be proud of me. He looked so handsome in his dark pants, crisp white shirt, suede vest, and string tie. His curly dark hair was slicked back but there were stray curls over his forehead.

He said to me, You look very pretty tonight Kitty. That was his standard compliment but I thanked him and told him he looked handsome too.

Those good ladies of Dodge looked askance at us as we walked in and began whispering behind their hands. Doc and Chester came right over to me and escorted us to their table. They each danced with me but it turned out a lot of people came over to the table to speak with their law man and I am sure to get a closer look at me. The young ladies of Dodge were not shy about asking the Marshal to dance but he politely declined. This created a tense situation but at least he didn t desert me.

One girl even said snidely, I guess at the next dance WE will have to invite you first.

Matt just smiled at them and excused himself to get some punch. He sure doesn t know much about women. Of course as he has said he hasn t made them his life s work. I m really surprised some enterprising women hadn t hogtied him before this.

Doc was very sweet and protective toward me and I really appreciated that. Chester seems a little oblivious about what was going on but he also has an eye for the ladies and is always looking for an amenable female. I feel very lucky, though to have three such caring men in my life even though the Marshal does seem a little dense at times.

I did wish when we danced the big man hadn t acted like I would break and kept his distance. I longed to be in his big strong arms with my head pillowed on that broad chest. I wanted those biddies and smarmy girls to know he had chosen to with me tonight. There is such a thing as too much decorum.

When the dance was over he did take my arm as we walked to the back steps of the Long Branch. We spoke for a few minutes with him thanking me for going with him and my telling it was my pleasure. He hemmed and hawed around and I was sure he was going to really kiss me when he bent down but he just brushed his lips against mine and said a hurried goodnight.

I just stood there. Even that light touch of his lips on mine had me hungering for more, much more. As I went to bed my mouth was still tingling and I had to wonder if he had any such reaction. I couldn t wait for the next day to see if I could detect a difference in his attitude.

That was not to be however as he was called to go after a local man who had committed murder. I was disappointed I had to hear this news from Chester but I also realized we certainly owed no explanations to each other. He was gone longer than expected when he lost his horse while trailing the killer and they ended up coming back to Dodge on the stage.

I tried to not act too excited that I knew he was back as I had no idea when he would come into the saloon. So when I walked down the steps and saw him leaning against the bar all cleaned up my stomach had butterflies. I tried to act like I had just seen him a few hours before. He came over to me and we sat down at a nearby table. I told him I heard he had caught Lee Timble and his brother, Dolph, was out to get him. He told me I worried too much.

I told him I might oversleep any morning and miss his burial. He immediately tried to change the subject with his standard, You look very pretty tonight is that a new dress?

He was chagrined to find out that I had ordered the dress four months ago I told him it came by the Santa Fe and he hadn t noticed before. All he said was, Oh . Not the most observant of men.

I told him about the rumors going around about the hiring a gunman to face Matt and he made the comment that I heard everything. I told him men are gabbier than women and asked him if he thought if I closed my eyes and prayed real hard they would all go away? When he asked me what I would for a living if they did I realized what I did for a living didn t keep him away from me.

A few minutes later Dolph Timble and a stranger came in and Matt told me the man was an old friend, Hank Prine. Little did I realize that this eventual face-off which the Marshal was agonizing over would change my life in so many ways. All I was concerned about then was Matt getting hurt or killed.

When the shooting was over the big law man walked away his head bowed. I was sure he would withdraw from everyone. To my surprise he came into the Long Branch and asked if we could take a walk after his late rounds and I was done with work. Of course I agreed and was surprised he wanted company.

We didn t say much on the way to Ma Smalley s and he suggested sitting on the bench under the big oak tree. I remember touching his arm and asking him if he was really alright. He really bared his soul to me about he felt about the killing he had to do far too often. There were tears in the eyes of this big, strong, seemingly invincible man. His heart seemed to be breaking and I couldn t help myself, I put my arms around him.

He seemed to hold onto me like he was drowning and I was his anchor. Then, and I ll never forget it as long as I live, he pulled back a little, lifted my chin, and kissed me. It was an earth shattering kiss. His lips were surprisingly soft and we fit together perfectly. I wanted it to never stop but you have to breathe at some point. I know we both sighed and he put his arm around me.

We both realized we had moved to a new level of intimacy. Yet the big man was reticent, telling me he couldn t commit to anything or anyone as long as he wore that badge. He had a terrible fear of leaving a widow and children behind. For the time being I felt that was okay at least we had moved forward.

About a week later and things were pretty quiet in Dodge we took a late night buggy ride down by the Arkansas. It got us away from town gossip and Chester who was so good at interrupting us at the worst possible moment. I loved Chester but he would prove to have the worst timing.

The Marshal found a beautiful little spot to stop just off the water. The stars were sparkling overhead and the full moon reflected off the water. We were holding hands as we walked toward the shore. Matt had brought a bottle of champagne, glasses, and a blanket. We settled down with his arm around my shoulders and my head on his shoulder.

As we talked about our day he moved his hand so his fingers were rubbing the side of my breast slightly. I could feel that right down to my toes. When I didn t object he reached around and cupped it squeezing ever so gently. I turned toward him pulling his mouth down to mine. My hand drifted down to his thigh and he actually jumped.

He slid the straps on my dress down and began kissing and nipping on my neck, shoulders, and behind my ear which caused shivers down my back. I can remember making noise down in my throat and muttering words but I can t remember what they were. Soon he was sliding down the top of my dress as I fumbled with the buttons on his shirt. He pulled it out of his pants and I saw his wide muscular chest. I began running my hands though the hair it felt so silky.

Laying me back on the blanket he leaned over and slid his lips and tongue over my nipples. I pulled on the back of his head closer and reveled in the heat it produced in my core. He slid up my skirt and proceeded to remove my undergarments one by one as he ran his fingertips lightly up and down my thighs. His every movement is engraved on my mind as I had never had such a kind caring lover before. He knew just the spots that gave me the greatest pleasure. It was as if we had been together many times before.

As he began to unbutton his pants I moved my hand to touch his arousal and there was no doubt of his desire. I began running my fingertips up and down his manhood until he stilled my hand. I can recall him saying something like he didn t want it that way. In the haze of our passion it was hard to recall the exact words. He parted my legs and as I slid my legs around his waist he thrust inside a little at a time. I do remember asking him to move faster and he was more than willing.

Sadly in my short life I had been with many men. I had found the biggest braggers about how they would pleasure you were the biggest disappointments. Then there were the cowboys just in from long cattle drives who hadn t been with a woman in months and they wanted to relieve that tension. They weren t there for fancy words just a little action. That rarely took up much time as they fumbled around.

Once in a while you got those who had quirky desires or felt beating a woman was their right. Less frequently was a man who took a liking to you and wanted you exclusively and would pay for the privilege. What was the worst were the dirty buffalo hunters and sod busters. They were generally mean and cruel.

Matthew Dillon, was a different breed altogether. A considerate lover who wanted to make sure his partner was satisfied. His very touch was different; soft and gentle. I had never been with a man who seemed so intent on giving pleasure. He even seemed a little shy, a little hesitant at times but that did not stop him from taking his time to give the ultimate pleasure.

As we lay on the blanket that first night after making love, and that was what it was not just sex, he held me in his arms and I ve never forget these words, I ve wanted to make love to you for a very long time.

I asked him, What held you back?

He told me, I didn t want to ruin our friendship. You are so easy to talk to and I have had so few people like that in my life.

I know I touched his face and reassured him I was always there for him.

Then he did something that really surprised me. He got up stark naked, went into the water and got the champagne. I just lay admiring that body. By the time we finished the bottle we were ready to make love again.

Feeling we had taken a major step in our relationship I was disappointed that he treated me the same when he came into the saloon the next day. I didn t expect him to be overly demonstrative but at least acknowledge the change in our relationship. I was definitely confused. He did come to my room once in a while after that first night but he said little although he was a wonderful and thorough lover.

I had never had such feelings for any man not even Cole Yankton. It would have been very easy to fall in love with the big man but I had my job to do and I was protecting my heart. I tried very hard to keep my face from flushing and my heart from racing when he walked through those bat wing doors.

Then a situation arose that I was afraid would end our tenuous relationship. A gambler named Sissel came to town and brought a gunslinger named Pate with him. A man accused Sissel of cheating and he pulled a gun and Pate killed him. Matt wasn t happy and came in and asked the gambler where Pate was. Sissel said he didn t know.

I said, I know, room seven, the Dodge House.

Matt looked at me, then turned back to the gambler, but never said a word to me. As they got up Matt looked at me again. There was something in his eyes but I couldn t tell what it was for sure. I didn t see him after that until there was more trouble in the bar but we never spoke. After that when he did come in he was always with Doc or Chester or both. There were no more visits to my room; no more confidences.

I knew that the Marshal thought that the reason I knew where Pate was staying was because I had been there. The truth was I hadn t been there. He had propositioned me, although I declined, and he gave me the room number in case I changed my mind. I never did have a taste for killers. It was for some perverse reason I wanted to see the big man s reaction if he thought I had been there. If I am being honest I wanted to see if he would be jealous. After all some reaction was better than none.

Doc knew there was something wrong but I couldn t talk about it. This was one time when I was glad for Chester s chatter and his and Doc s grousing at each other. When Matt would not would not look me in the eye I knew there was a big problem. I decided to go to his room at Ma Smalley s and I soon realized confrontation was not the best way to handle this man.

Yet late one night I knocked on the door of his private entrance. It took him so long to answer I was afraid I missed him again. Finally he opened the door and just stood there looking at me.

In a low voice which trembled I asked, Caa..nn I ah come in?

He hesitated as he looked around to see who might be around. He was reluctant but finally said, Alright.

I was shaking as I said, I think we need to talk. When he said nothing I began to feel this was a bad idea.

He turned his back on me and went to sit on the edge of his bed. I came to stand in front of him and said, Please talk to me. Tell me why you have been so cold. I wouldn t admit I was pretty sure I knew what was wrong.

Standing up he ran his hands through his hair. Kitty I Kitty I just think it would be best if we just went back to being acquaint .friends.

I would not cry, I am not a crier. All I could think to say was, Oh.

It s just he began. I like you. I like you a lot.

So what s the problem? I like you too.

Avoiding my eyes he went on. I just think having any more of a relationship isn t a good idea.

That got my temper up. In other words I, a saloon girl, aren t good enough for the United States Marshal.

I didn t say that. He protested.

I was yelling by now. You didn t not say it either.

As he reached for me I backed away. I guess you have made yourself crystal clear Mr. Dillon.

He said, I don t want things to end this way.

Oh so this is ending, everything, including the friendship.

Running his fingers through his hair he said, That is not what I meant.

I was on the verge of tears but managed to say, Well that is what it sounded like. I ll just leave now and not bother you anymore.

Rushing out the door before I completely broke down I heard his last words as. Kitty please understand.

I slammed the door as hard as I could and I didn t care who heard it. What really hurt was that he didn t come after me. I ask myself what are you thinking Kitty Russell? Maybe this was the time to move on; get out of Dodge. Yet I knew deep down I was hoping he would change his mind.  
I never knew a heart could feel broken but that is how I felt. Dazed I headed back to the Long Branch, where I now had a room, going the back way. As I got to the steps Doc was coming down from his office. We glanced at each other and as soon as he saw my face ne knew something was wrong and walked over to me.

He put his arm around me and asked, What s wrong honey? Is that big public servant giving you a hard time?

That was my undoing. We sat on the back steps and I poured my heart out to him. He patted my shoulder and said, Don t make any hasty decisions. I ve known Matt a long while and he has never been as open and close to any women or man for that matter as he has been to you. He has a hard time expressing himself but he needs you in his life.

Wiping my eyes I told him, I don t know Doc he seemed pretty final and his words really hurt.

Helping me up and walking me up to the door he said, Just give it some time. You ll see it will all work itself out. Now go get some sleep and dry those pretty eyes.

I was afraid to hope and when Matt just made cursory stops in saloon when I was there it seemed discouraging. It became almost unbearable when I heard the other girls trying to guess who the Marshal was with now and hoping it would be them. The pitying glances were the worse as everyone was aware there were no more long talks at the back table anymore, no speculation there might be more going on, and him coming in for a drink most of the time when I wasn t working.

Salvation came from a most unusual source. A man named Crego came into town and started challenging men, who had little of hope of beating him, to a gunfight. He loved killing for the sake of killing. One night I was on my way to Mr. Jonas store and Crego tried to accost me. I fought him off and proceeded on my way. At the store to my surprise there was my Cowboy being fitted for a new coat.

I was sure surprised and asked Mr. Jonas how he managed to get him to be fitted for the new garment. He said it had not been easy and I told him that the Marshal had needed a new coat since I had known him and it almost made him fit for courting. Matt stood there not speaking to either of us but I was sure he was rolling his eyes.

When he went back to take off the coat Mr. Jonas got my purchase and Crego came in and said he would pay for it. We had words as I was not letting him do any such thing. I finally slapped him to get him away from me and he pushed me and was ready to slap me. Matt came rushing out of the backroom and stopped the killer.

Then the Marshal did something I had never seen him do before he called the man out taunting him with the fact that he was really brave bullying women and boys. Crego left with his tail between his legs. I told Matt I had never seen him do that before and he explained he figured the gunman was a coward when faced with someone stronger. It was sure a few nervous moments for me and Mr. Jonas.

Next he did something he hadn t done in days. He looked right at me and asked, So you like my new coat huh?

I said yeah it was fine. I was still shaken up.

Then he told me, Someday maybe I ll put it on for you. I m not sure but I think my mouth was hanging open as he left.

The episode with Crego didn t end happily as Matt had to shoot him when he tried to shoot him in the back. I watched from my bedroom window as the big man walked all alone back to his office. I was sure he was grieving over another senseless killing. My heart ached for him.

I had hoped since he had finally spoken to me things might get back to a little more normal. What really happened I couldn t have imagined and once again he surprised me.

Three days after the Crego incident I was in my room getting ready to relax. I had been dealing in an all-day poker game and I had done well but I was tired. There came a knock on my door just as I finished taking my shoes off. I walked barefoot to the door and there stood Marshal Matt Dillon wearing his new courting jacket, white shirt, string tie, and black pants.

He asked shyly, Could I come in?

I opened the door wide and motioned him in. I wasn t sure what to say.

Taking off his hat and running his hand through his hair he admitted, I sure could use a drink.

Telling him to sit down I poured us each a drink, took it over, and sat down beside him. I decided to let him start the conversation although it was killing me.

Haltingly he said, I um..think we should talk.

I m listening Marshal.

He looked surprised when I said nothing more. Being a man of few words usually, I knew this was difficult for him but we had to clear the air if we were to get past this setback in our relationship.

Taking a deep breath he began. I did not want to argue with you. There seems to be a misunderstanding about the way I behaved.

I couldn t believe what I was hearing. You were avoiding me, you wouldn t look me in the eye. Matt everything changed.

Trying to placate me he took my hand. It wasn t as bad as all that.

Yes it was, you hurt me. Be truthful with me what did I do that changed your attitude.

He was clearly embarrassed. Well, his face became flushed. Well, dammit Kitty you said right out where that gunfighter was staying so anyone would know you had been there.

I had to smile as I asked, Are you talking about Pate?

Yes, he said reluctantly.

I had to ask Were you by any chance jealous Marshal?

He tried to appear surprised. Jealous, me? Never!

Then why did it affect you so much. Let s be honest Matt you have known from the beginning what I ve had to do to survive. Here I ve been luckier I get more of a chance to deal and Bill has asked me to work on the books. Yet there are times, when I need the money I have to fall back on the work I hate.

He almost scared me to death when he grabbed my arms, pulled me against his chest, kissed my hair, and said his voice choking, I don t want you to be with anyone else. There! I said it.

I stared at him. What do you mean? I was trembling.

Kissing me desperately he finally told me, I fought it so very hard. I can t afford to get involved but I can t help myself. I .I have missed you Kitty Russell.

Oh Matt! it was all I could think to say.

Honey, he said, I have no right to ask but I don t want anyone else sleeping in that bed with you.

I stroked his face and asked softly, Don t you know there has been no one up here since the night we first kissed.

There wasn t anything else I could have said that surprised him more. Is that true Kit?

Yes it is Cowboy. It s been you and only you.

He pulled me onto his lap. I tried to be honest with you about how I felt about a permanent relationship from the start. I m not sure how we can work this out but not being near you, with you, isn t working out either.

I knew saying all these things were difficult for such a reticent man I hoped he realized how special that made everything he said. I kissed him gently then as it continued we became lost in the feelings the sensations.

When we finally had to breathe I said the words that have set the tone for our relationship to this day. No one, no man has ever treated me like you have Matt. I never thought I would find someone like you. I didn t believe anyone could make me feel like you do. For better or worse I want you in life.

I suddenly saw hope in his eyes. You mean you ll take the good and the bad? That you realize how I feel about the oath I took to give everything to this town and its people?

Well Marshal, I am one of those people.

He grinned, Well I ll be darned if you aren t. Well I guess I ll just have to see what I can do about that.

With that he picked up and took me to what has become our bed.

Fin

I used episodes from Hack Prine , Cooter , and The Killer where Charles Bronson wore the ugliest pants I ever saw. In some instances I tried to use exact quotes in others I paraphrased their words.


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